Greetings!

It's been a long few weeks for me. If you've seen a middle-aged woman shuffling around resembling a 90-year-old duck, that was probably me! I've been sick with gall bladder issues, and I'm now sporting the band-aid version of the gall bladder surgery. Just today (almost a week later) I managed to stand erect for the first time. And to be truthful, I have a new phobia - going to the local Chinese restaurant. I heard one of my friend's children broke their Buddha and with all the swelling and belly rubbing I've been doing there's a pretty good chance they'll kidnap me to replace it!

What is band-aid surgery? For those of you who have never had it, and for those of you who may someday go through it, here's heads up on what Band-Aid Gall Bladder Surgery is all about.

1. Band-Aid Surgery means hire a nurse in a hurry!
Look at everyone around you with one last look of love before you head to surgery. The next time you see them, you may have forgotten the hugs. Young 'uns turned nurse do things like jump on the couch to show they love you, hand you a full glass of Ginger Ale (Ever try to sip from a full glass while in a reclining belly up position? The results are generally disastrous.) and of course everyone tries to cheer you up.... make you laugh.... which makes your belly jiggle... which makes you want to cry.

2. Band Aid Surgery means it's all in your head!
I told a friend I wasn't going to have a bunch of scars. He was pretty disappointed - said if he was going to get cut up he wanted the scars to prove it. I'm beginning to agree with his philosophy. There's something about a ragged, red, and bloody scar stapled shut that makes an impression. Four little bitty holes taped shut in various places around the belly just don't have the same effect and evoke only a small amount of sympathy. It seems impossible to believe there are hundreds of stitches hidden under the skin and the same organs were removed regardless of the visible evidence.

3. Band Aid Surgery means self-serve medical care is a reality.
Okay, I'm guilty. I use the self-serve gas stations and check-out's at Wal Mart. But honestly, these Band-Aid surgeries are the health care's version of self-service at it's most painful! Maybe they're getting even with us for checking up on our doctors online and self-diagnosing our medical ailments. We're all guilty. But really, it's a cruel and unusual punishment for even that!

So I'm home and surviving a surgery that will lay me up for 6 weeks regardless of whether it's the Band-Aid or open version of the surgery. The only difference: scars on my belly that won't show and several weeks of torturous recovery. Guess we'd all be smart to have at least one child train to be a nurse! And don't forget to invest in a hospital bed. It's a Herculean feat to extract yourself from a flat bed after surgery. My sweetheart daughter and I were both crying by the time we got me up the first and last time I made the mistake of laying flat on my bed.

PS. My last bit of advice: Don't develop an allergy to narcotics! A band-aid surgery with just tylenol for pain is the pits!